Today would have been my Mums 50th Birthday, an occasion she had talked about a lot. We had spoken about what kind of massive and over the top party we would throw, perhaps a family break away all together, because she was insistent that there would be lots of grandchildren by then (never one to put pressure on us?!!)
These occasions are a bitter reminder of what should have been.
It would have been so easy as a family to have locked ourselves away and ignore the fact that this was a big occasion, to hide from the reality that she never made it to her big 50th.
Instead we choose to do what we so naturally do as a family, we decided to carry on tradition and celebrate. We don’t actually find it that hard coming to the decision to turn something that could be really sad, into something that feels positive. It is easy for us because we all know that this is exactly what our Mum would have wanted.
Not only did we decide to celebrate Mum’s 50th with a party, we also felt it was a natural time to spread Mums ashes. This is something that we had struggled with. Nothing seemed suitable for Mum when we were looking into ways to spread her ashes. She was so young (47), so vibrant and so free spirited that the idea of burying them seemed so underwhelming.
It wasn’t until a few months after my Mum had passed that my Nanny had remembered my Mum telling her about something she had read in a magazine. It was a women that had requested her ashes to be turned into fireworks, my Mum had loved the idea and told my Nan what a wonderful idea she thought it was. As soon as Dad heard the idea he knew it was right, my Mum was always mesmerised by fireworks!
So off me and my Dad went to http://www.heavenlystarsfireworks.com. We couldn’t have found a better company to have done this sensitive service for us. They made the fireworks right there and then on the day, so we never had to leave them there. She came back home with us in fireworks form that day – completely bonkers but we just know my Mum would have absolutely been wetting herself at just how whacky and over the top we had been!
We then organised a party in celebration of my Mums 50th, we invited all of Mums very nearest and dearest friends and family. Everyone that adored and missed Mum so much was there to celebrate her that evening. It was actually a little overwhelming just how many people were there that night for her.
We decorated the garden in hundreds of photo’s of her, from baby pictures to embarrassing teenage photos and then photos of us as our happy family. We blasted all her favourite 80’s music and there was plenty of Prince playing. Me and Dad even managed to recreate her legendary Rum Punch – the drink I had witnessed so many of my friends be sick on at family parties!
We then ended the night on our beautiful fireworks display. It felt like a surreal moment. I could quite believe we was saying goodbye to Mum. In the moment the first firework went I didn’t feel ready to let go, but I don’t think I ever was going to be. To watch something so bright and bold made me certain we had done Mum proud, she was lighting up the sky and was the life of the party again that night.
For us, and for our Mum this was such a positive and happy way to spread her ashes, I know it won’t be for everyone, but under our circumstances I honestly couldn’t think of anything that would have been more perfect!
We will always choose to celebrate our Mum, it’s what feels right to us!
Happy 50th Birthday Mummy, I am sure you are having the party of all parties up there, I wish more than anything that we could have celebrated this day together.