Why start now?

They say it takes around 2 years to really digest grief.

I have been so open about my loss and emotions within the past two and a half years, wether it be in conversation or via social media. But I have also been aware my emotions have been ever changing. I have experienced the happiest moments of my life intertwined with the unimaginable, I won’t ever be able to fully describe the rollercoaster of feelings I have been on. I wanted to ensure I was in a stable place with grief and that I had a clear understanding of the past few years before I really started sharing.

Since the day my world was turned upside down when my Mum passed away, I was aware my story was going to be quite different to most other new Mums. After spending the first days, weeks and even months feeling like the most unlucky Daughter I began to try and change my mind set. My Mum was the most positive person I knew, there was no way she would be happy watching me sit in a pity party when there is so much in life to enjoy. I knew in order to really believe all the people telling me ‘your Mum will be so proud’ I was going to have to put my big girl pants on, start being brave and try to smile again.

I’m wanting to share my story, experiences and emotions around the subject of grief and babies. They aren’t two things that should go together, but as I have learnt it’s a lot more common than you’d think! I have been shocked at the amount of people that had contacted me to say they themselves or someone they are close to have been in a similar situation. Loosing my Mum and becoming a Mum, has at times put me in isolating situations. However it has also introduced me to so many lovely people, I never knew the world could be so kind, thoughtful and compassionate.

I am doing this to hopefully help others, just as others have helped me.

Wether you are pregnant dealing with bereavement, scared to have children without your Mum, raising babies without any family support or you might just want a further insight into understanding someone in a similar situation.

I’ll be sharing the highs and lows, and all that comes in between!

Lastly I know my Mum will be laughing wherever she may be, the women tried so hard to get me an english tutor throughout school, the fact I am actually writing publicly would be fuel for family banter. (I once wrote a sorry letter to confess stealing a bottle of wine from her, to which she shouted to tell me off… but not for the wine, just for how bad the spelling and grammar on my letter was. I was relieved and confused all in one moment)

Thank you so much for reading,

Amberlie x

One of the last photo’s of myself and my Mum, Carters in my tummy here.
I am sharing my story to help others, but to also share our wonderful memories and the lessons I was taught by this strong lady.

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